October 15, 2010
copyright 2010 by Ska
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The most honest answer I can give is "I was mostly too depressed to feel jealous when I was in Kerista".
I can't categorize the lack of jealousy as natural since it seems to have been a side effect of overall depression.
Do (I) now believe compersion is a more natural reactions than jealousy?
Even those who do not experience jealousy are not always experiencing compersion - except of course in the case of the cuckold, who naturally is overjoyed every single time without fail since he gets his rocks off by imagining his lover with another lover. So I would say that while compersion and jealousy are both potentially natural reactions, jealousy is probably the more common one. In the absence of jealousy, compersion does not automatically take place. I would say a good amount of alleged compersion is feigned as a bargaining position – “if you do it, that means I can do it.” The only thing a bargainer is “overjoyed” about is the way you taking another lover gives him/her a free hall pass to do the same. The naturally not particularly jealous person may not care, but probably does not feel “overjoyed”. Indifference isn’t compersion. For compersion to occur one would most likely have to feel very close to both the lover and non-lover in the situation, which would be a rare one-two punch. Jealousy and compersion are also not even mutually exclusive in the same relationship, so even were that to occur it would not rule out jealousy. I also acknowledge that I am saying nothing new. Although I am now monogamous, I practiced polyamory for 3 or 4 years after Kerista and I realize my beliefs about compersion are pretty consistent with many polyamorites.